Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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