You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
