Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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