If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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