I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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