there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize