So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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