R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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