I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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