literally had 100 drinks last night.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
