I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
