why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
