Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
