you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
