Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
