U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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