I could have mohawked her pubes.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
