what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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