i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
