i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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