Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Randomize
