Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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