If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
