You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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