Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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