shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
