You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
