3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
