You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
