We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
