It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
