I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
