I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
