I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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