I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Yo dont text me then not text me
I CAN MOONWALK!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize