I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
