Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
