You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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