would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
They have beer where we have blood.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
