A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize