When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
