I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
All the doctor said was why
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
