The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
