People in love make me want to vomit
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
