can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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