I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
