We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
