Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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