I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize