haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
