my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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