Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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