Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize