So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
