That's intense
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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