He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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