I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
