the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
