OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
