paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She needs sedatives and a leash
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
