there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
