Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
