I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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