Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
