he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
