Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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