You're my little dorito
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
