I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
