You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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