I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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