She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
